Man... it's been a long time since I've had a case of hives this bad! When I was a kid I would get hives if I ate too many strawberries. Or, if I got TOO anything... too excited, too nervous, too tired... I don't know what caused these, but man do I itch! And of course Benadryl just puts me down for the count. I hate being itchy, but I can't decide if it's better to resist scratching or to have to fight to stay awake. GRRRR
While I've alluded to our quiverfull conviction previously, I have never really taken the time to explain what it is or why we believe as we do. The easiest way to explain the "what" is to say that we do not use any form of birth control or practice NFP. In simple terms, we don't prevent pregnancy, and we don't "try" to get pregnant. We believe that God's will for our childbearing (if/when/how many) is not meant for us to try to control.
I need to qualify this by saying that we have not always believed this way. However, through much prayer Tim and I came to the conviction that this was the best plan for us -- God's plan.
One reason we no longer use birth control (in particular the pill or and IUD and other similar hormonal methods) is because they are proven abortifacients. If I am willing to use one of these methods in an attempt to control if/when I have children, can I call myself pro-life? I don't think so.
The Bible says that children are a blessing. I for one do not want to turn away any blessing the Lord chooses to bestow upon me! No matter the world's view of my situation, God truly does know best. He sees the *big picture*, and I know that I can rely fully on him to provide my needs, be it money or food or shelter or any other material thing.
Making the choice to allow God full control in this area of our lives has been very freeing! We never again need to worry about whether or not we are making the right decision regarding when to have another child. It has also been convicting -- if I can trust God fully in this area, why do I have such a hard time fully releasing other areas of my life to his hands?
One question we hear often (actually, it's a statement disguised as a question) is "You're not going to have more, are you?" And now you know the answer!
If you have more questions about what I believe and why, you can ask... or you can check out some of the other sites listed in the Quiverfull Blog Roll (see sidebar). Or, read your Bible :) The answers are all there.
If I've recognized the problem (which I have as supported by my previous blog) and continue on the same path (the one that is fraught with a lack of motivation and little to no action) then is the sin increased? I believe I AM sinning if I am not living my life in the way in which God intended. I believe he wants me to be the maker of my home, primary caregiver to my children, and a devoted, submissive help mate to my husband. If I am failing in any of these callings, then I am sinning.
And so I go humbly to the feet of God, each and every day. I beg, I plead, sometimes I cry. And the next day goes on as the one before. This is beginning to feel like a bit of a pity party. And so the guilt increases.
I know I am not accountable to any of you... I am accountable to God. It is his view, his opinion of me that matters. I know that he loves me, even when I fail. But how great would it be to succeed! To live up to the expectations of my creator.
And now I will attempt to pull myself up out of the mire I've made and get to finding that other path!
What is this you ask? Well, apparently it's a great movie! Peaceful Lizard?? LOL
Victory came to me today and said she wanted me to get her that Lizard da Paz movie 'cause she really likes it.
Any one for "The Wizard of Oz"? *grin*